Let's Talk Disappointment
Whilst I'm unable to delve into the intricacies of the situation, I can say, I have been faced with disappointment. As I think about it, I'm querying specifically what I am disappointed at and why. I believe doing this can bring you one step closer to gaining clarity.
First, let's define it. Disappointment is 'sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of ones hopes or expectations.'
I'm disappointed because I had an expectation of God and was ultimately let down. I know you feel uncomfortable reading that line. It isn't our normal Christian language. I'll clarify, I didn't say God failed me, rather I felt upset because I had placed all my faith and hope in God for a particular answer and didn't get it.
If I was to describe what it felt like, I can liken it to being hit by a wave of water. With each wave, aka receiving a no to my prayer, the wave got bigger and so did the impact of the hit. Eventually it became too much for me to stand.
I started to question why it happened? Did I do something? What did I miss?
I'm sure you can relate to this in one way. It's ok to ask these questions, but like Job, direct your questions to God. Allow Him to hear your heart aches and pains.
I wish I could end this newsletter with a testimony. I can only say, like many of us have once been, I'm still in the middle of the test. In times like this, there's three things I usually do:
1. Remain honest with God
I usually journal my thoughts and feelings. I stay specific and let it all out. I believe it's better out than in because you become more aware of your thoughts. I may not be able to physically pray, but I have found this method to be therapeutic and a method to even start praying.
2. Engage in a hobby
There's a debate on twitter at the moment because it seems people no longer have hobbies. If you fall into that category, I implore you to find one. At times, for me, it means to take a break and do nothing. I do this because it temporarily distracts my mind from what I feel. At times, this has also served as a grounding exercise. I gain some form of stability and I feel I can carry on for the day .
3. Share with others
Sharing provides perspective of a situation I may not have previously had. I usually do this after I have spoken to God about it. I've found sometimes, after journalling, I am led to speak to someone about the situation. The only caution I'd give is, ensure this person leads you back to God and provides some form of safe space.
Disappointment is something we may experience in our lifetime but I'm encouraged with this scripture:
“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 NLT
In summary, this is what it means for me; although things may appear empty and nothing seems to be working, I can still have joy because of whose I am. He keeps me secure and holds me down.